The Tale of Jamie and Steve
by Minerva Nargles
Summary: ...but he is also falling in love with the laughter lines lines near her eyes, her voice and a dimple in her chin. Steve was falling in love with Jamie Buchanan Barnes all over again. Stucky, femBucky
1. Chapter 1

"You know, I have seen you a lot of times with determination in your eyes but nothing took my breath away like the fire making them shine whenever you went against idiots who pick on smaller and physically weaker than them." Bucky, his Jamie, whispers, smiling at the ceiling. She is avoiding looking at Steve, despite how confident she was. "And I love that even if I have to pull you out of shit."

Steve does not answer, he continues to stare at Bucky in wonder. His blue eyes notice every single detail of Bucky's face, his brain burns the memory of her in a special room (only for Bucky because Bucky herself was Steve's special girl) and he does not mind.

"I like taking care of you, punk. I like being there for you but I feel like the time is coming when I will not be there or you won't be needing me anymore. It hurts, that gut feeling and I distance myself with dates and I try to distract you with dates. Those girls do not understand how sweet and wonderful, and lovely, and perfect and how amazing you are, Steve."

Steve listens to Bucky talking, praising him (him, a skinny little guy from Brooklyn with a million of health problems and a penchant for acting like a complete idiot in front of the girls) but he is also falling in love with the laughter lines near her eyes, her voice and the dimple in her chin. Steve was falling in love all over again with Jamie Buchanan Barnes.

"Steve, you are my best friend and I love you." Bucky turned her head to look Steve in the eyes, her lips turned up at the corners in that lazy smile of hers that Steve loved. "But I am leaving tomorrow and I do not know when we will see each other again. I am so sorry that I am leaving but at least one of us will fight for a good cause."

Steve frowns at her words and looks away, hiding his pain but he knows that Bucky knows what he is feeling. Her callused hand cups the side of his face and it is warm, and soft and just so damn gentle.

"I could lose you, Bucky."

"You won't."

Steve believes her because not believing seems like he is giving up on her not surviving, like he is already thinking how her dead body would look like (if there would be a body left at all).

Bucky kissed him then, her lips moving softly over his and Steve can't believe what is happening because he is just a scrawny guy with no muscle mass but Bucky is clouding his mind and, oh, she tastes like mint and he loves mint because it makes it easier to breathe- just like Bucky does. He feels like a sap, but it does not matter because his arms are wrapped around a girl who was by his side since forever, around his best friend and the only family he has.

Bucky breaks the kiss and leans her forehead against his, beaming like the sun but, unlike the sun, her light does not hurt Steve because Bucky could never hurt Steve.

"I love you, punk." Bucky laughs in that husky way of hers and Steve kisses her again, unable to resist the urge.

"I love you too, jerk."

***g

When Peggy told Steve that most of the 107th was captured, probably dead, his heart went into an overdrive, his lungs constricted and Steve was sure his asthma returned with a vengeance. He stormed to Philips, demanding information (almost crying because Bucky could be dead, ripped from him) then organising his own rescue party. Steve was running on pure instinct, disposing Hydra soldiers quickly and quietly.

"Bucky." Steve whispered the moment he noticed a face he loved so much was missing. "Where's Jamie Barnes?"

Someone pointed him to the labs and Steve was running again, fearing that he might be too late but he is not and he rips the constraints off of Bucky who is mumbling to herself, her eyes glazed over with pain and shock.

"Bucky." Steve sighs, almost weeping in relief when her pretty eyes snap to his.

"Steve? Steve." She sighs and he helps her up. "I thought you were smaller."

"Not anymore."

***g

Bucky doesn't tell him what happened in the lab but Steve could see puncture wounds and he kisses each one of them. Bucky just wants to forget, wants Steve to hold her the way she used to hold him when he was sick and could not breathe.

Bucky doesn't want to talk about what they did to her, Steve knows that so he does not ask.

"I want to destroy them, Steve. I want revenge, I want to hurt them." Bucky tells him at the bar, her eyes focused on a glass of whiskey in front of her.

"So do I, Bucky, so do I."

***g

The Howling Commandos are formed and they take out one Hydra base after another, destroy their weapons and take down their soldiers. Bucky promises that she is going to teach Steve how to dance when they're done with Hydra, with war and Steve can hardly wait.

***g

Bucky is holding on for dear life to a bar on the side of the speeding train. Steve is trying to reach her but her hand is slipping and only his name is on her mind, repeating over and over again.

"Steve." Bucky chokes out for the last time, just a second before her hand slips and she falls down, down, down to her death.

Steve can only watch with tears in his eyes and numbing pain in his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**I could not just leave it at the last chapter, could I.? **

Winter blue eyes snapped open and the female soldier stood from the chair she knew as a constant. It was a fixed thing in her world of murder and pain and cold (So cold). People passed her by, carrying papers and one of them spoke to her, asking questions and dotting down the answers. She did not like being observed like this but she was an asset, a superior soldier, a person that was not a person.

Still, Winter Soldier held onto the feelings of something missing, something which made her long frozen heart twist with yearning despite not remembering. Winter Soldier blinked and tilted her head, listening to the assignment she was given. Eliminate Howard Stark. The name tickled the back of her mind but the Winter Soldier refused to speak that it was familiar. She did not want to have another memory wipe so soon.

Still, Winter Soldier did her job and assassinated Howard and Maria Stark, leaving Anthony Stark, a bright child, in the hands of Obadiah Stane.

Memory wipes were painful and they became more often as time passed, as her assignments became more often and her handlers became more frantic- especially after the find of Captain America in the ice. The Winter Soldier was in constant pain, her mind played with several times a day. Something fought against the wipes, something passionate and warm. Ever since SHIELD freed Captain America from ice, Winter Soldier's mind was plagued with memories of sweet smiles, star spangled uniforms and promises.

When she got an assignment to eliminate Fury, Winter Soldier was ready to do anything to achieve that. Her mind was a blank slate and, while the man was as cunning and wily as they come- she was successful. Another target was hit.

Then she fell into a twister of righteous people, people thirsting for revenge and that star spangled man kept calling her Bucky and Jamie but she was certain that she was neither. She was an asset, a robot made out of flesh, programmed to destroy not save, not help or feel. So, why was it so difficult to pull one of many knives at him, get in close and just shove the blade into his throat? Winter Soldier could see that Captain America truly believed she was Bucky, could see how soft, how loathe to hurt her he was. She fought tooth and nail against the onslaught of memories, feelings and the robot she was.

"I'm with you..." Captain America, Steve, said with strong conviction. "Till the end of the line, Bucky."

"NO!" The Winter Soldier, Bucky, screamed and continued to fight. They grappled, rolling over and over until Steve was the one hanging way up in the sky and Winter Soldier remembered.

The fall.

Skinny Steve.

Gals and fellas.

Smiles and worries.

But she fights it because it is scary and she doesn't want to fall, doesn't want to love the man a part of her doesn't know, a part of her considers an enemy. Still, Winter Soldier is losing and Bucky wins the battle, even if it is for just a moment and Bucky saves Steve from drowning. But Bucky is afraid and shaking from the onslaught of emotions so familiar yet so foreign. She runs and promises to herself and Steve, especially Steve, that she will get better and then come back.

Bucky spends time sorting out her mind and hiding from Hydra. She hates them, hates the metal arm, herself and everything she has become. Still, she works hard on controlling what she recognizes as shell shock and coming to terms with her sins. Bucky refuses to put all the blame on Hydra or SHIELD. It was partly her fault for not fighting sooner, letting them brainwash her into a soldier, an assassin.

It hurts not being with Steve and remembering how gentle and loving he was, how his body, both skinny and muscled, felt against hers and how often Steve just made her stay still to draw her. Bucky loved Steve and it hurt so much because she couldn't be with him.

But, Bucky willed herself to get better, to be the person worthy of Steve and his love (Bucky knew he would love her either way- good or evil- so she wanted to get better for herself too).


End file.
